Ethan and Skully Take on Nashville: Part 2 - Pool Side

Hi again. Remember me? The guy with all the bones? Bet you thought I had finally fallen out of favor with my boy didn’t you? Admit it. You thought it. 

Just to prove I’m still alive and well, here are two current pictures of me and my boy. This is what our lives have consisted of for the last month. Sleeping, watching movies, and recovering from the virus that never ends (just as annoying as the song that never ends but with the bonus of fever, congestion and a strange rash).

So we’re going to step back from the plague, back to a healthy and cheerful time before Christmas when we went to Nashville and stayed at the Gaylord Opryland Resort. I believe it’s what you Instagram-using hipsters call a throwback.

Naturally we had to take advantage of the huge indoor pool while we were at the resort. We’re simple people so swimming indoors is always a treat and an oddity we can’t pass up. 

Before we could plop down pool side, we had to make the 1-mile trek across the expansive resort to get to the pool. This began on the elevator and when we left the hotel room, my boy insisted on wearing his Puddle Jumpers over his clothes.

(FYI, if you’re a parent and you’re not familiar with Puddle Jumpers, you should be. They are the BEST flotation device for toddlers. End public service announcement.)

After we got off the elevator we entered one of the three atriums at the resort. My boy quickly found a bench, hiked his leg up on the seat and said, “Mom, take my picture!” Looks like he’s been getting posing ideas out of an old JcPenny’s catalog. 

We’re getting closer. Remember … it’s a mile to the pool. A mile at least. 

We did finally make it to the water. Once we got there, mom and dad had the awkward task of asking the lifeguard on duty if the toddler-sized skeleton could go for a dip too.

Once we were in the water Ethan morphed into Spider-Man and remained in character for the extent of our pool time. He didn’t even break character when he walked off the edge of the underwater seating ledge and dunked completely under. That kid might just have a future in theater. 

Well, we wrapped everything up with a quick dip in the outdoor hot tub. Complete with jets and bubbles. Did I mention the hot tub is bigger than most swimming pools? Like I said, we’re simple people. It doesn’t take a lot to impress us. 

Maybe You Haven't Noticed ...

But it’s almost Christmas Eve. I don’t even know how this happened. It’s one of those time warp scenarios in which you’re throwing out rotten pumpkins and raiding the Halloween candy stashed above the fridge one minute and the next, you’re looking down the barrel of Christmas wondering if you have everything done. 

Probably another reason it doesn’t feel like Christmas is because a plague has descended upon our house like something from the book of Exodus. I’ll spare you the details but know this, if there was an award for most puked on surfaces in a home, our family would win. Hands down.

So to get myself back in the Christmas spirit I’ve been combing through some photos taken earlier this month and I thought I’d share them with you.

 

The Christmas Tree

Aaah, the annual decorating of the Christmas tree! Definitely means something different when you live with a 3-year-old … like nothing made from glass on the lower 3 feet of the tree. It also means that strange objects will appear on the tree throughout the Christmas season. For example, we’ve had squishy skeletons, cereal bars and used tissues (not to mention all the various toys that have become ‘decorations’).

With all the skeletons that were appearing on the tree, mom felt it was only right that they should have a proper home there in the form of a Christmas ornament. I give you the skeleton ornament:

 

The Big Man In Red

We ran into Santa a lot this year, at least a half dozen times. We weren’t even looking for him, he just happened to be around every single corner.

This was the only time we actually sought out Santa and he sure didn’t disappoint. Candy cane? Check! Rosy cheeks? Check! Fully attached beard? Check! Jolly nature? You bet!

But Santa did get one mark against him in Ethan’s book. He said skeletons were scary. Whoops.

Ethan set him straight real quick on that matter though. “He not scary. He my fwiend. He nice!” I guess even Santa has lessons to learn.

Every time we ran into Santa, my boy asked for the same thing: A dinosaur skeleton. Imagine that. Something skeletal. 

 

Candy Cane Express

Earlier this month we took in a show by the Evansville Philharmonic  called the Candy Cane Express. It’s a sweet and to the point Christmas show designed specially for children. This was their second year for the show and if you’re in the area next year, take your kids or grand-kids. It’s totally worth it.

He’s so thoughtful. He knows how much I love the toy soldier routine. Not on par with The Rockettes but let’s face it, who is?

We even met up with some friends at the show! My boy lucked out this go around with Santa … no room on the lap. Not every kid can be so lucky.

Ethan & Skully Take On Nashville: Part 1

This past week my family went to Nashville for a little vacation at the Gaylord Opryland Resort. Now, don’t go thinking we’re fancy people who get to go to “resorts” all the time. Mom actually won the trip. But that’s not entirely accurate either. Mom won tickets to an Eric Church concert … whoever that is … and traded them up for a two-night stay at Opryland. Obviously a better deal but I’m getting off track …

So the boy and I descended on Opryland for three days and two nights of walking, walking and more walking. And some fun mixed in there between all the walking.

Let me tell you … those people were not prepared for us. We got a lot of God bless yous. I guess they thought a family with a skeleton needed a little extra heavenly love. Or maybe it’s just a southern thing.

So along with our vacation package we got a ton of free tickets to cool holiday events. One of them being ICE! (That’s right. All caps. Exclamation point.)

Welcome to ICE! featuring ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas and nine degrees of frozen winter wonderland. Nine degrees. Just let that sink in for a minute. Nine degrees …

Want to know what nine degrees looks like? 

This is what nine degrees looks like. His face says it all.

Fortunately everyone is issued a calf-length parka but lets face it, they’re mostly doing that for liability reasons. “Come get frostbite at ICE!!” doesn’t exactly have a nice ring to it. 

But I’ll tell you, room after room made entirely out of ice, with accents made from ice, housing creatures and objects made entirely from ice is a really amazing thing to see. Two million pounds of ice were used in the making of ICE! That’s 1,000 tons of ice. Those walls? Ice. The banisters? Ice! The Christmas tree? ICE! Okay, I’m starting to see why they made the show title capitalized. 

Noticed I was not issued a parka. Discrimination? I think so. 

But the best part about ICE! were the ice slides. Here’s me and my boy taking our first crack at the frozen half-pipe. 

My boy obviously enjoyed it but look at me. LOOK AT MY LEGS! That’s why I aptly named the slide the Conduit of Dislocation. A few seniors in our tour group learned this lesson too. Those bus tours for the elderly really draw a wild crowd. You think I’m kidding but I’m not.

My boy made me slide with mom the third time down. I think it’s written in her genetic code to squeal on rides. Try going to an amusement park with this woman. 

Here’s a before and after of a toy ice soldier. But the most impressive part was the crystal clear nativity scene.

Nothing says Christmas like a frozen baby Jesus … or a blow up baby Jesus. 

"And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.” Luke 2: 9-14 

Table For One ...

Shortly after taking this photo, my boy stood up and yelled, “Don’t touch my privates!!” Someone was touching his belly. As if the child-size skeleton wasn’t enough to make people stare …

Skully's Favorite Things

Oprah isn’t the only one with a list of favorites. I decided to put together my own list in honor of Black Friday and the next 25 days of shopping.

I hope you all stayed home today. I don’t see the sense in getting in a fist-fight with a total stranger to save $10 on a Keurig you’re going to hate by Valentine’s Day. 

So, in the spirit of staying home, all of these unique and classy gifts can be found online from the comfort of your home. 

You’ll never forget the looks on your loved ones’ faces when they unwrap these nearly one-of-a-kind pieces. Well, one-of-a-kind is probably a stretch … but I’m sure they’ll be the only ones in the neighborhood with these gifts … unless you live in some hipster locale, then all bets are off. 

 

For the Kitchen: You really can’t beat skeleton-shaped eggs. Get it? Beat? See what I did there? And you can’t have eggs without salt and pepper. That would just be un-American. 

Freaky Food Skull Egg Corral, $12 http://www.shopplasticland.com

Cracked Skull Boiled Egg Mold, $9 http://www.shopplasticland.com

Newlydeads Salt & Pepper Shakers, $17 http://www.shopplasticland.com

Day of the Dead Corkscrew, $19.97 www.crateandbarrel.com
Skull Timer, $11.99 www.worldmarket.com

Bone-y Brew Tea Infuser, $12 http://www.shopplasticland.com
Sweet Sips Sugar Skull Mug, $13 http://www.shopplasticland.com

 

 

For the Baker: Wondering how often you can use skeleton shaped cookies? I can think of several occasions right off the top of my head. Obviously you’ve got Halloween and Dia De Los Muertos but you can also use these for saying thank you to your orthopedic, for a job well done by your nursing student, or to remind your sweet aunt June to get her bone density checked. You could also send these cookies to someone you dislike with a cryptic message like, “Thinking of you.”

Spooky Sugar Skull Cookie Stamps, $12 http://www.shopplasticland.com

Gingerdead Man Cookie Cutter, $10 http://www.shopplasticland.com

 

 

For Children of All Ages: Nothing says come and snuggle me like a skeleton sock monkey. But seriously, this sock monkey is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.

For all you Lego fans out there, we got something cool and something creepy cool. Admit it, you want one. 

Skeleton Sock Monkey, $25 www.etsy.com or get crafty and DIY. 

Lego Skleton Storage Head, $29.82 www.ebay.com
Giant Dissected Lego Man, Price Unknown http://www.moistproduction.com

 

 

For the Lady in Your Life: Skeleton themed attire is relatively sketchy when it’s not the month of October but I think these pieces transcend fashion fundamentals … especially if your hairline looks like Eddie Munster’s.

I See Through You X-Ray Dress, $74 http://www.shopplasticland.com

Alexander McQueen Cable-Knit Skull Sweater, $1,085 http://www.neimanmarcus.com
Gray Skeleton Sweatshirt, $21.76 http://www.sheinside.com

Sugar Skull Handbag, On Backorder, http://www.shopplasticland.com
Haunted Undead Unicorn Tote Bag, $17 http://www.shopplasticland.com

 

 

For the Man in Your Life: We’ve got casual, we’ve got formal. Wearing skeletons at your ex-girlfriend’s wedding will certainly make a statement. It’s memorable.   

Homework Evidence T-shirt, $12 www.threadless.com

Gothic Wedding Neck-tie, $35 www.etsy.com
Silver Skull Cufflinks, $35 www.etsy.com

 

 

For the Home: Don’t knock it until you try it. Skeletal home decor can be very welcoming … especially when it’s handing you toilet paper. 

Skeleton Chair, $2,700 www.etsy.com

Sugar Skull Damask Shower Curtain, $22, http://www.shopplasticland.com
Skeleton Toilet Paper Holder, $17.10 www.amazon.com

 

 

For the Enthusiast: Then there’s this beauty. The name really says it all. The “Sensory Deprivation Skull.”

During Prohibition I met Charlie Chaplin and Greta Garbo in a speakeasy once and they were sitting in a contraption that looked an awful lot like this. Greta was drinking a scotch whiskey and invited me over to her house for a spaghetti dinner with her family. I’m telling you, salt of the earth.

But back to the chair. The “Sensory Deprivation Skull” is a chamber of sorts in which you can sit and essentially cut yourself off from the world. Sounds like the perfect gift for all my introverts. 

By Joep van Lieshout of Atelier Van Lieshout, the skull is comprised of reinforced fiberglass and is available in a limited edition of 10. So that one-of-a-kind gift you were looking for? Done. You’re welcome.

Because I'm Batman!

At least, I think that’s what Batman would say if someone asked why he had a skeleton on the back of his batcycle. Then he would use some kind of batgadget to save us all from a nuclear warhead. 

This is what playtime looks like around our house. My minions (all skeletons in our house smaller than me) get incorporated into a lot of different types of imaginary worlds. The mummy, which contains a skeleton obviously, has been camping with the giant white and black cats for two weeks now. In reality, it’s wrapped up in a Superman blanket with two stuffed animals sitting on the couch. And don’t you even THINK of trying to move them.

Other minions are dancing to Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” or sometimes “Smooth Criminal.”

Some minions are wrestling dinosaurs. Some are sliding down my boy’s winter coat sleeves and some are hiding in the laundry. Some are chasing the dogs and some are saving the world with Spiderman and Captain America. 

When I said my boy loves skeletons, I wasn’t kidding. As long as he’s got skeletons, he’s a happy boy. 

Wait … I take that back. Attitudes can change pretty quickly around here. One minute the boy is playing nicely, the second, he’s a highly stressed, emotional ball of tears. All because mom said she was going to put a beetle in his nose.