The Walking Dead ... ish

Here’s round two of Halloween fun for us and when I say “us” I mean not me. I stayed home while my boy and his mom went to a Trunk-Or-Treat event. 

You might be saying, “Skully! Where’s your sense of fun?” But I have three sound reasons for not going:

No. 1: Who came up with the term Trunk-Or-Treat? I’ll tell you who, The Mob. Jimmy Hoffa’s body? Disposed of at a Trunk-Or-Treat. So, obviously I avoid those events like the plague … or Ebola … wait, is that the same thing? Never mind.

No. 2: I sent one of my minions with the boy. I have no patience for his choice of candy and can’t stomach another round of “Where’s the Tootsie Roll?” 

No. 3: I scheduled a full body sugar scrub and deep tissue massage. A skeleton just needs to be pampered sometimes. 

Obviously my boy has some work to do in the zombie area. His death crawl is just a little too lively for my taste.

A Boy, A Skeleton and A Cat Walk Into a Bar ...

Tomorrow might be the big day, but my boy and I have been celebrating Halloween all week. Truth be told, we’ve been celebrating since September 1 … but who’s counting. 

Last weekend we headed to our local state park for some Trick-Or-Treat action. My boy dressed up like me and I dressed up like my boy. Yes, I’m wearing suspenders. It was a hot day so I went bare chested. Don’t be jealous, not everyone can look this good in corduroy and braces.

(You may also notice we have a new pet. My boy named him Spooky. It’s a fitting name considering he likes to eat pork rinds in my closet underneath a bed sheet.)

My boy was in such awe of all the Halloween decorations, he couldn’t even be bothered to pick the good candy out of the buckets. Gobstoppers? SweetTarts? TOOTSIE ROLLS?! Um, no thank you.

"Hey kid, there’s a plump and juicy Snickers Mini right next to your hand! What’s that? You’d rather have Bottle Caps?" Grrrrrrr…

Seriously, the only chocolate he picked out was a little tube of Whoppers and they barely pass as chocolate. 

But the kid was in heaven so it’s kind of hard to be mad at him. While some kids his age were cowering in fear at the sheer number of monsters, zombies and, yes, skeletons, my boy had a glimmer in his eye like he was seeing his own personal Mecca. It was a lot like the time mom took us to Michael’s Halloween section.

His parents should probably just start saving now for therapy. 

Overall, we had a really great time out at the park, even if I didn’t get the candy I wanted. Oh, and did I mention the ladybugs? Everywhere. Including my underpants.  

I’m holding out hope that we get some chocolate on our next round of trick-or-treating. Otherwise, my favorite holiday might be completely ruined. Here’s hoping you get lots of CHOCOLATE candy and no ladybugs in your crack. Happy Halloween!

This Tune's For You

He roped me into playing chopsticks but when I get a moment alone at the piano, I always like to work on Tchaikovsky pieces. Dude knew how to tickle some ivories.

Say, "Pepperjack cheese!"

I don’t know what he’s so happy about. Cold lunch meat never did anything for me. Besides, I’ve got lamb shanks in the slow cooker at home.

But seriously, who can resist that face?

Oh, speaking of spicy, the other day my boy said the cutest thing. Mom was getting onto him for being unruly when she said, “Don’t be feisty!”

Without missing a beat, my boy said, “I can be spicy if I want!”

With quips like that, I don’t know how she can keep a straight face.

I Owe My Soul To The Company Store

Last week we went and saw dad at work. My boy was disappointed though that most the Halloween decorations were already gone. Christmas has descended and taken over the store. He likes the inflatable lawn ornaments (I never said the kid had good taste). I prefer the porcelain lit musical animatronic “Yulesteiner Brewery Christmas Collectible” but we all know my taste is flawless.

Nothing says Christmas like a blow-up baby Jesus.  O_o

As you can see, the boy was able to find one remaining skeleton. I, however, was more keen on getting to the plumbing section. I’m in the market for a bidet. Something sleek and black to go in my Elvis themed bathroom. Don’t start questioning my taste. He’s The King. Period.  

Assemble the Minions!

Skeletons are out en masse right now and my boy has been assembling, what he calls, a ‘fwamily’ of bones. I, however, call them minions.

They do by bidding when the boy isn’t looking. Nothing scary! Yeesh. Give a skeleton a break! I have a bad enough reputation as it is.

They mostly give me foot rubs, draw my bubble baths, prepare piping hot cups of Mystic Chai and fetch me the Wall Street Journal. I pat them on the head, tell them what good little skeletons they are and send them back downstairs to where the servants gather. Yes, it has a very Downton Abbey feel to it. 

Don’t ask me what this creation is … something that reminds me of a Mary Shelley novel. Sometimes that child scares me.

Not A Care In The World

I love lazy days like this. 

You Jump, I Jump

You jump, I jump. It’s more than a Titanic reference for me and my boy. It’s a way of life. Connected at the hip? You bet. Classic dependency. But I don’t mind. If it weren’t for my boy, I’d probably be hanging on a front porch somewhere with pumpkins slowly rotting beneath my dangling feet.

With my boy, I get to see a magical world of tree monsters and pet dragons. I get to play in the rain and feel sand between my phalanges. I dance in the car and jump on the bed. I battle silly lava monsters and mutant spiders. Yep, life if pretty good. 

Alright, enough with the sap. 

Baby It's Cold Outside

This past weekend we had our first really cold snap of the season. As we were waking up, mom said, “Whoo! It’s really cold this morning!” To which my boy quickly replied, “It is cold mom! We snuggle allll day!”

And that’s exactly what we did. 

Family Reunion

Recently while we were out at the farm, I ran into a few relatives of mine. It’s always nice to see family, if nothing more than to remind you how lucky you are to lead a life of privilege. Yeesh. Those guys could really use a hot bath. 

All that matters though is that my boy was happy to meet some new skeletons. We sat there talking and reminiscing for what felt like hours. My relatives even sent him home with a few mementos: A couple of antlers and part of a spine. Doesn’t get much better than that.  

Skeletons Scary? Come again?

This is the look my boy gives every single time someone says, “He’s so scary!”

He be like, “Say whaaaat?!!”

Meet Me In the Morning

I love mornings with my boy. Crisp cool air coming in the windows. Smell of coffee in the air. It settles my soul. We snuggle and listen to the roosters out in the yard compete for the loudest crow.

Every Leaf Speaks Bliss To Me ... Likewise For Shelled Corn

It’s officially fall and around here, that also means harvest time. What better time of year to spend a day out on the farm? The skies are bluer, the air has something special in (and I don’t just mean the dust from combines), the sunsets are richer…

As far as this skeleton is concerned, fall is the best time of year for lots of reasons and harvest time is one of them. So the boy, his mom and I drove over to our uncle and cousin’s farm to see what kind of trouble we could rustle up.

Here’s my gratuitous giant tire portrait. You know you’re jealous. I think I’m going to to come back for my senior pictures.

Look at this guy! Buckling me in and everything. Salt of the earth this one is. 

It’s getting close to our nap time. I don’t think I’m cut out for farm life … need more muscle.

Not the most flattering photo of myself. I don’t know about you but it looks like I had a wild night and passed out here. That’s all I need right now, people thinking I’m a lush …

Mode of Transportation

There’s worse things than being drug around by the foot. I can’t think of any off the top of my head but I’m sure there’s something. I love my boy but this mode of transportation is just not my style. I need something with swag … like an Escalade. Sheesh, at the this point, I’d take a rickshaw. 

I Prefer Organic ... But Plastic Will Do

It’s often said to my boy that I look hungry. That I look like I haven’t eaten in awhile. That I look like I need to put some meat on my bones and the puns go on and on. Just to put the issue to rest, I want you all to see how well my boy cares for me. Here we are having a picnic in the living room.

 

The boy makes sure I have a well-rounded died of fruits, vegetables and proteins. Oh and that hot dog there? No worries. It’s all-beef.

Off the Grid

I’ve been pleasantly unplugged for the last two weeks. Sometimes a skeleton just needs to unwind. I’ve been soaking up the last rays of summer at the lake - warming up these old bones of mine - and just enjoying life with my boy. While mom was planning and executing a yard sale, the boy and I were left to our own devices. I perfected my Tiramisu while he discovered the joys of running around naked. I also caught a late night showing of The Color Purple and went to find my paperback copy as soon as the credits rolled. Love me some Alice Walker. 

“Everything want to be loved. Us sing and dance and holler, just trying to be loved.” 
― Alice Walker, The Color Purple